Yes. That is a loaded topic. I have lived in the US for many years and this topic still baffles me. When I go online, there are several posts about Indians being poor tippers. I can’t speak for others but I have certainly had struggles with tipping.
And no. It is definitely not because I am a miser. Well, I do value the money I earn and the things I have. I was not very materialistic growing up. But we certainly learned to value everything we got and be grateful for them.
One trait we were taught to cultivate was to never waste things, especially food or water. There is usually always someone who can take leftover food or use my old clothes.
Moving to the USA, with 500 dollars (which amounted to almost 1 lakh rupees back in the day, it became quickly apparent, that the rupee went a lot farther in India, than in the US. So, I understand students and others who bring money from India, hesitating to spend much on tips.
But that is not my reason to hesitate from tipping. I do know the value that a dollar holds in other countries. I do value the money and material. But I would gladly and unhesitatingly give money for a charity. I have always given to charity, even during days were I earned only 5000 rupees a month and lived in a dorm.
The reason is that in India, one is given a clear price to pay. It is up front. One is not expected to give subjective ‘tips’. One definitely does not pay to have someone smile at me during a meal.
Since I live in the US, I have had to accept the tipping culture to some degree. But honestly, if one goes to a restaurant in India, the servers actually serve the food onto the plates. They would watch and offer to serve you as you empty your plate. No tips expected. Here in the US, a server takes orders, brings things and that is it. I recently had a waitress put pancakes and hashbrowns and eggs all on one plate. I don’t get water unless I ask for it. The ‘service’ that I am expected to offer gratuitously, is for some very basic tasks. Labor is not hard to find in India. There are people offering a lot of service and hospitality. There is an upfront price. It just feels morally and ethically wrong to pay someone something extra for their basic job. I am only making a comparison so that someone who is interested, can understand the cultural differences.
In South India one is offered a tip if a hotel worker carried one’s bags upto the room. That is an ‘extra’ service’. So it deserves a tip. If a server goes above and beyond with something, a few rupees may be left on the table as appreciation. But in no way is one expected to pay the wage for the server.
I get it. This is America. So I do tip. But it is not because of stinginess, but the moral aspect of it, being expected something that is not upfront. Or fearing ‘poor service’ (how much lower can ‘service’ really get?)
Recently I received the option at check out to tip for a bottle of water that I picked up at an airport stall. What am I supposed to be tipping the staff for? In India, the grocery store guys pick out stuff, offers and describes the choice of products and helps with purchases as a free service. They also bag groceries in supermarkets and carry them to the car as service and do not expect tips.
A lot of Indian households have maids. There are a lot of people willing to offer a lot of labor-intensive work.
When the same level or lower quality of service is offered and expected to tip, it is hard for someone of Indian descent to understand.
This is not to justify not paying tips due to comparison. Like they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
I am just writing this post to explain some cultural differences that make people like me hesitate. And I only mean this from my personal experience and opinion.
Most hair and beauty salons in South India where I am from, are owned by women. They set the prices for their services. At the most, they might employ one or two people. The prices are set by them and they are expected to get all the pay that they receive from the services they offered. Once again, there are beauty parlors at almost every street corner. It is very competitive. The service one gets is incredible. I had a pedicure and they removed all corns and literally healed my feet. In America, I paid for a pedicure. They basically just applied lotion and expected to be tipped! I get it, when one pays for a service in America, the actual person doing the job does not get much of it due to corporate culture.
This is also something very hard for someone who grew up in India to understand.
My spouse sponsored a 70 dollar massage for me several years ago at one of the popular corporate massage chains. I got a very basic simple low pressure massage and was expected to pay a tip as well.
I have paid about a 1000 rupees in India for an ayurvedic massage and the service included deep pressure massages with aromatic herbal oils, usually done by two people, steam bath and later hair drying to get me ready to step out into the world. The prices for those massages don’t seem to have increased so much over the years and the service has not gone down much either.
So, expect my chagrin when I am expected to tip after a much lower quality service when the actual price is so high to begin with. Same story with haircuts, facials etc etc.
This may just be my opinion. But to pay exorbitant amounts of money for poorly rendered service (which is certainly subjective) and then be expected to pay extra for no reason, feels like cheating.
It just feels morally wrong that I should be expected to pay a subjective hidden extra price. It does sound like ‘high end begging’ for someone to take up a job that pays 2-3 dollars an hour and expect customers to feel sorry and throw money their way for just taking orders and bringing the food.
I am pretty sure the cooking of the food is a greater skill and requires being in a hot kitchen. How come the waiter is the one to collect the ‘extras’ instead?
The tipping culture feels like bribery or corruption. It is socially accepted, but certainly still feels like bribery. So, if I am a regular at a restaurant, the servers may avoid me or not serve me properly if I don’t tip well? Is that even legal or professional? How does that reflect on the integrity of the waiting staff?
So, if I tip heavily, I would be welcomed with smiles and given ‘service’ as in getting my food correctly? So, I am expected to bribe for service?
Teachers are also a paid lowly. How many of us would be happy about teachers getting tips? So, a student from a rich family could ‘bribe’ for better services than a student from a ‘poor’ family?. Would one accept this due to the low pay of teachers?
Teaching or feeding people is an act of great virtue. Some thing that did get instilled in me, is to perform acts of service with integrity. One does need to get paid for services. But connecting one’s level of ‘service’ to individual pay is morally low in my opinion.
Yes, one must do in Rome as Romans do. So, yes. I do tip. But I do cringe every time. I would much rather give alms to a beggar outside the restaurant than throw money at a person for social bribery.
It feels disrespectful to be insulting a grown and able person to give them free money just for doing their jobs.
If the job does not pay them well, wouldn’t a retail store offering a much higher set pay be a better option?
Herein comes the secret. Tips, especially, as cash, do not always get reflected in the wages of the workers for taxation purposes. People choose serving jobs because they know they can decent money and not claim full taxes on them. Some waiting staff at certain restaurants can make a lot of money. It is a gamble of course. Sometimes, they can make a lot on tips and sometimes they don’t.
Coming, also from a culture that strongly spoke against gambling; enabling or supporting gambling in any way does not make me feel good about tipping either.
In my opinion, it is disrespectful for an able individual to accept a position with such low wages that they should have money thrown at them at a customer’s whim. If it really is for service, it must be a set amount clearly stated for each waiter or waitress. It should not be based on the whims and fancies of the customer, who may just happen to be in a good mood that day. Or the waitress just uses charm or friendliness to manipulate people into feeling like giving more money. Fake smiles, fake friendliness and fake concern for a couple of extra dollars. That feels like a bad thing to support or enable.
It makes me wonder why a self respecting individual would want to work like that, when they can earn money in a more straightforward way?
Coming from a place where people toil for money, to feel the expectation, demand and judgement for give extra money away for just doing the job expected, as ‘tips’, seems hard to digest.
But, again, when in Rome, I do as Romans do.
I pay a standard tip no matter what the ‘service’ is. I cringe every time though.
It feels disrespectful to me and to them. That is a moral and ethical standpoint, which is not likely to change just because I do as the Romans do.
For those who ask to assimilate, would you have an arranged marriage if you go to India (not that there is anything wrong with it. It is a practice that confuses people foreign to the culture)? Or give Dowry (this one is actually illegal)?
Would you give up your moral and ethical values just because you move to another place?
My moral and ethical stance on tipping stays intact. The only thing I would strongly refute is the notion that as a person of Indian origin, that I am a miser for not wanting to tip.
I dislike tipping not because I am ‘cheap’ or a ‘miser’. It is because it feels degrading to me and leaves me feeling poorly. It is definitely not the same as helping a needy person, donating to charity or giving alms to someone begging openly.
The manipulative deceptive ‘bribe/beg’ action feels like a spiritually wrong thing to do. Period. And yes. I would not mind if the food prices went up to accommodate for a higher basic wage for a server so that I can know and pay a set price upfront and expect a server to do their job honestly.
I understand that people have strong opinions about this topic. This is just my opinion based on my experiences. I do tip, but it is not ‘gratuitous’, just a necessity to live and let live and get along in the society.
(and I don’t want a sneezed on cup of coffee!!)
Photo credits:
Photo by Alexander Mils on Unsplash
Disclaimer: these are only my personal opinions and are just aimed towards sharing. No offence or hurt feelings are intended.
