I was unprepared for the numerous surprising topics I would be excited and exasperated by being part of a unique intercontinental marriage: a Tamil Iyer from South India married to an Irish American. Some of these hot topics have included: whether there are buffalos in India, the size of Hollywood versus Bollywood and innumerable minor and major cultural differences. We didn’t realize we had so many differences before marriage and we even naively assumed we spoke the same English!
Despite watching so many movies from both the East and the West, we were not prepared for the transport differences between India and America. I currently obsess over the car seat for our 2 year old and traffic safety: repeatedly reminding my husband, to ‘slow down’, ‘watch for that car’, ‘wait for the green arrow to turn left’ on the highways of the United States. He was not amused when I was sitting back relaxed in an auto expertly navigating the streets of Hyderabad, as he sat on the edge of his seat. Funnily enough, he attempted to wear the seat belt in the car on our trip from Rameswaram to Kanyakumari and the car driver turned around and told my husband with a nod and a wave of his hand, “Seat belt not required, don’t worry!”
On the village roads of Kerala, the town buses zoomed past, driving fast and our car narrowly avoided many cycles, buses and people. I kept chatting away calmly, not even flinching, not realizing the adrenaline-pumping scary ride experience that my husband was having! This is in stark contrast to his calmness on big US highways and my panic attacks on the unidirectional American roads.
I remember finding the closest gas station to pull over after panicking on my drive into Atlanta as the highway exit turned into a multi-lane road: the lights of the tall buildings amplified the dizzying effect and increased my anxiety. On another occasion, I was stuck on the so-called flat top mountain in Asheville after following the GPS incorrectly. I can still picture the steep slopes of the hill, on a dark night and hearing a random waterfall nearby: a scary enough an experience to become permanent part of my adventure travels. I definitely did not make it to the flat top on that slope, and miraculously managed to turn around to drive down the hill. It is no surprise I don’t dare drive to Asheville alone again!
Before having a GPS, I had frantically called my husband, miles away from the house at 9pm, telling him not only that I was lost, but asking him, “Where am I?” It is amazing how one can be confident with what one is familiar with. As I chatted away with the auto-driver in India, my American husband experienced a roller-coaster ride. It is the opposite with the highways in the US for me. Point to note though, that in our three weeks in India, we encountered not one road accident; but usually encounter at least a couple a week on the way to work during rush hour here in the US. Needless to say, our travel travails don’t end with cars and traffic either.
With great excitement, I had boarded my first train from Columbia, South Carolina. I could not wait to experience a train ride, American style. I guess I expected there would be several stops for coffee and snacks. Did I really expect vendors yelling “idli-sambar, mendhu-vada?” Consciously not, but I imagined something similar in the western style. Despite the repeated visits to the train kitchen, the long ride with little vegetarian food to eat, and not being able to lie down for the long journey left me exhausted and longing for Indian train rides again. On our India trip, I could not wait for our first train ride together. However, the experience humbled my self-view as the Indian train expert. I somehow mistook the numbering of the coaches and confidently had us get on the opposite end of the train to reach our berth at the other end. If anyone knows what it is like, to walk through a crowded train in motion, from one end to the other, holding two suitcases, it is a feat no less intense than a major workout at the gym! This is when my American husband had to fully become a Tollywood hero to lug this heavy load to our berth in the AC car!
With all the complaints of having to drive on scary highways or wistful reminders of the wonderful Indian train journeys, I remind myself of the irony of it all. Growing up wishing to have my own gaadi to go anywhere anytime without waiting for buses, I find it ironical to complain about having to drive. While Shah Rukh seemed quite content singing ‘Ye Dil, Dil, Deewaana’ in the movie ‘Pardes’, I never imagined panicking to drive across the beautiful Ravenell bridge in Charleston, SC.
I remember a time early in my driving days when I called my husband frantic that the gas station credit card machine was unable to read my card. I was out of gas. He had to wake up early on a Saturday morning to find me stranded at a gas station. Once he paid with his card, I took out a 20 dollar bill and asked him if we need to buy milk! I had not known that one could pay for gas using cash. Of course, it can only be a guess how my request for some petrol for the car would have gone. At times, our experiences have definitely been a case of ‘I Love Lucy’, desi style!
Amidst the irony of finding myself complaining about things I had wanted and comparing with what I used to have, I am reminded about one Indian phrase :’’Chalta Hain’’. Maybe I could ‘Take it easy Urvashi’ like Prabhu Deva dancing atop buses, when someone cuts me off on the road or an aggressive truck is tail-gating my car. ‘Taking it easy’ and an unconditional acceptance of everything just as it is, something I learned growing up in India, can assist me in navigating life in the Carolina lanes.
Maybe a recording of the Indian traffic sounds and the orchestra of ‘beep beeps’, would finally let me relax when my husband is driving the car. The fact is that safe car practices are important anywhere, and although travels and transport systems may vary, an accepting attitude has a place wherever one is on the journey of life. So, let’s take the time to enjoy what we have: all the beeps, autos, cars, trains and traffic travails in slow lanes or fast.
